Sometimes you have to find a plateau
so you can clearly see where you have been,
where you are, and where you want to go…
Little did I know that when my husband and I decided to become foster parents our beliefs about parenting would be challenged.
My husband had helped raise three daughters who had become successful, competent, capable women, wives and mothers. I had taught and help children grow for many years in my capacities as a Social Worker, Drop-out Prevention Coordinator, Sunday School Teacher, and Counselor. However, our experiences left us ill prepared for the behavioral challenges we encountered with the two teen girls we fostered.
No matter how much love we gave them, it was not enough to stop their tantrums, lack of doing their few personal chores, nor stop them from lying or stealing. Our experiences left us heart-broken and wondering what we had done wrong. Personally and professionally, I felt devastated. Professionally, I had seen these same behaviors with children I counseled. What I had been taught to teach their parents hadn’t work any better for them than they did for my husband and me.
Frustrated after another behavioral breakdown, I searched the Web for what else was there besides what I had learned in college. I knew I had to upgrade my parenting and counseling skills if I was to help myself and the caregivers of my young clients.
That night was a turning point for me professionally. I only wish I had this knowledge when I was a foster parent. It would not have changed their behavior but it would have helped me to not feel like I was a failure as a mother.
I found a large body of research from neuroscience that upgraded my understanding of what was driving my foster daughters’ behaviors. I now knew why contracts, behavioral charts, removing privileges and our heart-to-hearts long into the night did not change their behaviors.
I also had a new understanding of the children I counseled and what was driving their behaviors and why spanking, time-outs, lectures, and other fear-based tactics their parents were using didn’t work either.
From my plateau of frustration I found clearly that we are a very child developmentally illiterate society and we do not understand the impact of stress and trauma on the developmental needs of our children. Now I knew where I wanted to go: to learn from this new body of knowledge and upgrade my skills of what it takes to be a love-based counselor and parent and to share this knowledge with everyone. I had experienced what didn’t work with challenging behaviors. Now I know what does.
It was a stretch for me to upgrade myself to this new knowledge. I will be honest with you, I continue to do so to this day. It has become my passion to share this knowledge with parents, teachers and anyone who works with difficult children.
When parents hang in there with me to learn, grown and upgrade their parenting skills they see positive results with their children. It is a process that is not a straight line but well worth the time and effort.
If this sounds promising to you give me a call: 903 365-2198. Let’s visit and see if Parent Coaching to Upgrade Your Parenting Skills is for you. Let’s meet on your plateau and see where you have been and where you want to go with a guide to help get you there.
My life has been dedicated to creating a healing space for people to learn, grow, and transform their lives. I continue to offer Counseling Services in the Northeast Texas Area. I have recently expanded my services to include Life Coaching and have a Soulfull Woman Program in development. To find out more about these services go to http://www.SoulfullSteps.com,
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"Being a long term employee with an agency whose mission is to protect children, stress and distress are part of the work. Fortunately, I have been able to handle much of the chaos and disorder of a beaucracy due to the long term relationship and training provided by Deborah Chelette-Wilson. She not only helped me to look at the world through a new set of eyes; she has also helped many of my coworkers. I cannot say enough about the training she provides and the amount of research and information she imparts to all who know her and attend her trainings. The training materials are up-to-date with the latest research and includes many learning activities. Sign up today; it could change your life." ~ P.A., Texas